Life isn't fair

I cannot count the number of times that I heard my father tell me "Life isn't fair" as a kid growing up.  I probably hadn't gotten what I wanted and said in a really whiny voice "But that's not fair!" To which my father, in all his wisdom, never relented due to my (or my siblings') whines and just told us the inevitable truth that life is not fair.

This message is not an easy one to convey to kids to the point that they really understand and accept it, but it's a very important message to be made.  If a person grows up thinking that everything will always be fair, then there will likely be a lot of disappointment in the years ahead.  Teaching them this lesson young can help them learn to become more resilient as they grow older and journey through the obstacles that life puts before us.  The trying teenage years, middle school, high school, heartbreaks, missed opportunities, tragedies, and even deaths of loved ones.

While I was raised with this principle understanding, I still had hope in me that somehow, someway things would always work out for the best, even if that means things don't seem fair at the time. Call it karma or whatever you will, this belief is one of my ways to remain resilient when faced with hard times.

However, never before in my life has this phrase been more true.  I feel that now that I'm a parent I am nearly constantly reminded of its truth.  Perhaps it's because I've never before felt like I had so much to lose.  I have two beautiful kids and a wonderful husband and I couldn't be more thankful.  And I am exactly that…thankful.  For I know that life is not fair, yet somehow, someway the powers that be have been kind enough to me to allow me the pleasure and the joy of carrying, delivering, and raising two healthy kids.  I now know in my older years that this is a blessing not everyone is fortunate to have. Indeed, in that regard, life is not fair.

After having a stage 0 melanoma show up the month before I gave birth to my first child, I learned first hand how quickly a seemingly healthy life can suddenly become threatened.  I am thankful we caught it early and it had not spread.  I am also thankful that the cancerous tumor that one of my long-time friends had on her ovary over 9 years ago was also caught early enough so that it had not spread and that she has remained cancer free since  Yet she had to lose that organ before she had even had a chance to start having kids.  She was far too young to face such a diagnosis.   Indeed, life is not fair.  In fact, just yesterday I learned that the wife of a coworker has been diagnosed with that ugly C word and is due to start chemotherapy soon.  I have hope for them that the treatment will prevail over that horrible disease.

I reflect on all of this today, with tears occasionally welling up in my eyes, because on this very day one year ago a very sweet baby girl was born to another dear friend of mine.  A dear friend who is more gracious and caring than I could ever hope to be.  Yet, her sweet child was born with a genetic disorder called Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA).  Despite the fact that I (and she) had never heard of it, it is common enough that it is the number one genetic killer of kids under age two.  That's right…parents of babies diagnosed with this disorder are often told their child most likely will not live past age two.  The most stark reminder that life is certainly not fair.

This sweet baby girl spent her first birthday today undergoing surgery to install some new devices that might help her live a longer, and hopefully a better, life.  Thankfully the surgery appears to have gone well.  However, as a result of this disease she will most likely not ever walk or talk, she struggles to breath on many occasions, and every common cold virus that she gets could be a matter of life or death.  Yet, she is a resilient, smart, and happy baby girl and is oh so beautiful.  And her mother, who cherishes every moment she has with her daughter while also raising her school-age son, is such a strong woman and devoted mother.  But as any parent could imagine, each day is a struggle; emotionally, physically, and even at times financially. Despite the hardship, she endures because that is her only option; after all, a devoted mother will do whatever it takes to care for her child!  Her struggle, however, is my reminder to not just hug my kids a bit more tonight…but every night.

Cherish each and every moment because there are never any guarantees in life.  John and I were reminded of this just a few short years ago and we still live our lives thankful for each day together as a result.  Whether we know our loved ones' lives may be cut short due to a known illness or whether a tragedy could strike, I feel that it's so important to cherish things that are most important in life every.single.day.  For me, that is my family.  Not work, money, or fame.

I hope that I can teach my children the hard lesson that life is not fair, while also instilling in them the hope and beliefs that will help them lead a happy life despite the obstacles that can get in the way.  I hope to also teach them compassion so that if they are in the position to help a friend in need--a friend who has been shown in the most severe ways that life is not fair--that they can help them in whatever way possible in order to help keep their friend's hope alive that things will work out for the best.  Somehow, someway…despite the truth that life is not fair, we have to have hope.

This post is in honor of all of my dear friends and family (as well as those who I barely know) who have faced harder times than I could ever imagine…you inspire me in ways you may never know.  My heart breaks for you and I share in your sadness, but I will always keep hope alive that things will work out for the best.  And for those reading this post, I'd appreciate if you could put these people, as well as those you know facing hard times, in your thoughts and prayers.