The first time I cried leaving him

This morning I dropped Evan off at day care, as I usually do every Wednesday and Friday morning now.  I usually have no concerns or worries and say my good byes and get on my way to work.  This morning, however, there were several other kids being dropped off at the same time.  One,  in particular, was an 8-month-old whose mother brought him in sans car seat, sat him on the floor, signed the log, and was out the door in a mere matter of seconds it seemed.  I, on the other hand, was explaining that I had packed apple juice today since Evan's been constipated lately and was going to inform her about a few other things (when he woke up, last ate, etc), but we got distracted with the other little boy who was sitting on the floor looking at us awfully cute and curiously.  At that point we decided to take Evan out of his car seat and let him interact with "his friend".  Evan still can't quite sit up straight on his own (he's still very wobbly), but he sat there next to this other little boy and while the other little guy was curious, trying to engage Evan and appearing quite happy and comfortable, Evan was not.  Evan seemed very apprehensive, shy, and more interested in checking everything out about the room we were in, as well as the people that were around him.  Even with me still there with him, he seemed uneasy.

I have noticed lately when we take Evan places, with other babies in particular, that he doesn't seem to smile or laugh as much as the other babies while we're out, nor does he interact with them as much as they seem to want to do with him.  He is alert and observing everything though, as he always has since he was very young.  Perhaps this is just his personality shining through? Or the beginnings of the separation anxiety phase?  John said he was also a shy and somewhat antisocial boy, and thus maybe this is just Evan's personality.  I can't also help but wonder, though, if we've sheltered him too much.  He has been able to stay home with either John or I (or my mom) for most of his days, and so even though he's been going twice a week to daycare for almost two months, he still doesn't seem fully comfortable being in that other environment.  It did take Evan a few good weeks to get fully comfortable when we were in Australia, and that was even with John and I around him to help him adjust.  So perhaps he still just needs more time (and perhaps more than just two days a week) at daycare to adjust to that environment as well.

Nonetheless, seeing the other similar-aged boy appearing much more comfortable than Evan is what really tipped the scale for me today.  Partly because this has also been my experience with the swimming lessons so far too.  There is another 7-month-old in the lessons that is always smiling and having fun in the lesson, while Evan seems so much more apprehensive and unhappy.  I spend the whole lesson struggling to keep him happy and distracting him with the rubber ducky toy when he starts to get anxious, and thus I don't enjoy the lessons much now either because I spend my time worrying about Evan's state of happiness.  I know Evan isn't necessarily afraid of the water (he loves his baths, and he'd been in the pool in Australia just fine), so I think it's more the new environment.

What also made matters worse for me this morning was that the daycare provider innocently said something like "maybe we can get a smile?" to Evan while I was helping him interact with this other boy.  It made me very sad to think that he doesn't smile and laugh with her like he does at home.  (Oh boy, here come the tears again as I write this!)  How do other parents deal with this?  Is this common?  Is it just his personality?  Is our daycare not the right fit for him?

Moreover, seeing that other mom drop off her kid so quickly made me also wonder if I'm being an overly protective and concerned parent.  Meaning, it seems like every time I drop him off there is so much I want to let her know about Evan's day so far, or things that are going on with him, what I have packed for his lunch, etc, and maybe this is too much information?  Not to mention I bring in a backpack with his change of clothes and cloth diapers for the day, a cool bag with his bottles of milk and baby food, and then him in his car seat snuggled beneath several blankets to keep him warm.  Is this too much?  It sure is a lot to carry!  Again, I'm not sure what is normal, but compared to the other mom this morning, I don't want to be the crazy mom who over does it (though that wouldn't be too far out of my character to do so!).  So, between my concern for my potentially unhappy child and my concern for being "the" crazy mom, I had a good cry on my drive to work.   It is also very likely that it will not be my last. :(