Mommy me time

I've always heard people say that mothers rarely take the time to look after themselves.  They are busy caring for their kids, their husbands, their households, and in a working mother's situation like mine, their job.  After all of those things are cared for, there is very little time left for mom herself.  I've read a lot of tips for moms about making sure to take some time for yourself, and I am trying to take that advice to heart--when I can find the time. :)

Last night I scheduled a massage appointment after work.  On a Friday afternoon, after a week of work, it was a welcome treat.  My body sorely needed it as well.  Carrying around and playing with an 18 pound plus boy is hard work for my entire body.  Constantly looking down at him while I nurse him is tiring on my neck.  Working at a computer nearly eight hours a day is also straining on my shoulders.  Needless to say, I found the massage both relaxing and relieving.  After my massage I also ended up rushing off to a hair appointment.  My hair had been in sad shape for the past several weeks and I was determined to get in this weekend, even if it meant bringing Evan along to the appointment.  However, the only opening my stylist had was for 30 minutes after my massage ended.  I certainly had not planned to spend my entire Friday night in "mommy me" mode, but alas, it served its purpose.  I now have a much lighter weight to carry around on my head!

However, Evan did not nap well at daycare yesterday (there is a story to go with this which I will share later), thus he was very cranky and ended up falling sleep next to John on the couch while I was at my hair appointment.  I have to say, coming home to my baby already asleep after a long day away from him is not any fun.  I missed him so much and had been looking forward to a few hours of fun time with him, to see his smile and hear his laugh, after my massage.  Thus, when I scheduled the haircut I knew I would be chewing into my time with him, and this was my least wanted scenario.  Nonetheless, while I was unpacking my day's things, Evan did stir and wake, quite unhappy to boot.  Thus, I did get to have one nursing session with him before putting him to bed for the night, although he quickly fell back to sleep during this time.

All up, I am glad I took the time to take care of myself, but I still feel like it comes with a price.  In this instance I missed spending time with my boy yesterday.  Of course, it's just one day and I know he won't hold it against me (for long at least!), but it still is hard to handle.  As a mom, I've felt more emotions than I ever knew possible.  I mean, I've always been a very empathetic person (sometimes almost to the point of owning other people's problems more than they do, but I'm working on that!), but now having what I call "mother's empathy" takes it to a whole new level. I cannot hear stories about parents or children without feeling like I'm in their shoes.  Anytime I could envision my son in pain or sadness, I break down in pain and tears too.  So the idea that he could have been missing me as much as I was missing him is heartbreaking.  I honestly don't know how I would ever be able to go on a trip without him and actually not see him for more than a day.  Not so much because I wouldn't be able to handle myself missing him, but more so because I would feel terrible that he could be missing me and wondering "where is mommy?".  I must stop myself from writing more about this now, as I feel the heartache that even thinking he could be asking that question brings to my chest already.

So, today is a new day.  And it is a Saturday!  Which means that I am home all day today with Evan and I am so much looking forward to what we will do together.  Interestingly enough, as was the case last weekend, Evan is still sleeping (it's almost 8am now!), and I've already been up an hour: making myself a nice breakfast, washing bottles, doing laundry, and writing today's blog post.  This, I suppose, is another form of mommy me time, but spending most of that "me" time doing chores probably doesn't count for the type of self care time mother's are advised to have.  Nonetheless, my breakfast was delicious and writing this post has been therapeutic, so I think it counts.  :) And now (that I hear him waking) it's time to begin Evan's "mommy and me" time!